2023-2024

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     This year was another year of a lot of growth for me, but where there was growth there was also a lot of struggle. This year was a very busy one for me. The alternating semesters of co-op and school made it sometimes hard to catch my breath. I moved home from Portland, Oregon where I had my first ever co-op and within about two-ish weeks I was back in Cincinnati for the school summer semester. I decided to commute from home for that semester which was a strange experience as I had never commuted for college before. While it was nice to be at home with family it was often difficult to get the motivation to do my homework when all I really wanted to do was have a break at home. Within a few weeks into the summer semester I was already having to start looking for another co-op for the fall. The co-op process is one that is never easy and seems to always feel discouraging as you see people around you get interviews and jobs you wish you could've got. While there was still some occasional heartbreak during this process, it went much smoother than the first round for the spring semester.

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    Dallas, Texas is where I landed for the fall. As a kid I grew up going to Dallas to visit my dad's family so this was not a new place for me, but living versus visiting is always different. The co-op itself went well, but there were a lot of challenges from living in Dallas, the biggest for me being the driving. The stressful, traffic filled drive to work brought me so much anxiety every single morning and afternoon. When the co-op was done I felt proud of myself for getting more confident with the driving there as well as becoming more confident in myself overall.

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      After Dallas I moved back home and had a little bit of a longer break as it was Christmas break. It was nice to feel like I could finally have a real break after all the quick turn arounds between co-op and school. The draining experience of the new cities, new jobs and living with new people is exhausting followed by then having to go back to school and start new classes and have a new routine is also exhausting. It feels like a never ending loop of changes. After the fall it was time for the spring semester of school and back into the co-op search I went. This search went well and I ended up getting a co-op in New York City where I am now writing this, but during the semester I faced struggles I seem to have every semester in school. The biggest struggles for me this semester, one I always have in studio, is second-guessing myself and a lack of confidence. I never think that my designs or ideas are as good as other student's and begin to feel like I don't belong amongst everyone else. This semester I tried to focus on correcting these thoughts and focusing on all the little accomplishments I have and making sure to allow myself to make mistakes and learn to focus on growing from them. During these times when I didn't appreciate myself and my work I focused on support from family and friends to help, but on top of this support I have been learning how to be a supporter of myself. I have been trying to compliment myself and my work and to focus on what I do well instead of what I need to work on. Though it is a slow process, I can see myself little by little getting better about talking to myself kindly during school with my architecture studio work, but also outside of studio as well.

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     As I go into my senior year of college I hope to be gentle with myself as I experience another year filled with lots of changes I'm sure. As I get closer and closer to graduation I reflect on all the growth I have had and get excited for all the other growth ahead of me.